division of labor in our house…

So – last weekend – I was cleaning out a closet at home while Erik lounged on the screened-in-porch with a magazine…  A totally peaceful Saturday for us.  Suddenly, he comes rushing in and says he’s pretty sure there’s an animal in our attic. 

Okay, remember when I lived in Raleigh and we had (a) a 6 foot black snake that lived under our house and (b) a baby deer that was born practically in our backyard and (c) a squirrel that got stuck in our attic and died and we spent a couple of weeks trying to figure out where that funk smell was coming from?  Remember all that? 

Yeah, well… that’s mild in comparison to the petting-zoo that I live in the middle of now.  It’s a good thing I had the warm-up band of animals in Raleigh to prepare me for bright green geckos and tree frogs sneaking into my house on a semi-regular basis… and raccoons… and palmetto bugs… and, and, and…  yeah.

Anyway, so Erik heard skittering around above him and was sure it was inside the attic and not just on the roof.  He climbed up into the attic and a few minutes later he calls for me and asks me to bring him a box.  I asked him what it was and he said it was a bird…  the bird had zeroed in on a glue-board trap we have up there and got itself stuck.  My tender-hearted husband took the trapped bird outside and spent quite a while trying to free it from its heavy glue prison.

I walked outside and saw he was getting frustrated… there really was no way to get the bird off of there without harming it.  So I said “sorry, babe… you’re going to need to put it out of its misery”.  He kept trying to free it and I finally asked “do you need me to do it?”.  He stepped back, handed me his work gloves and said “yeah”.  So… I’ll spare you the details, but that was the day I had to kill a small bird.  I hated it, but that poor thing was freaking out – getting more stuck and really suffering – and we just didn’t know what else to do.

Later, we were in the car and it started bothering me.  He asked me what was wrong and I told him that I felt really bad.  He acted like it was really no big deal and that I shouldn’t give it a second thought.  Umm… yeah, this from the guy who didn’t hesitate for a second when I offered to do it.  Anyway, after mulling it over for a while, I said “okay, so I guess we have a clear division of labor here… from now on, I’ll kill all the baby birds and YOU get to kill all the homicidal maniacs that come into our home”.  He looked over at me with a big smile and goes “deal”.

[ps – please don’t send me hate-mail for killing one of God’s creatures… sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.]

Oh!  I almost forgot… in addition to all the animals listed above, there are apparently a couple of donkeys that live in my ‘hood.  I’m serious, no wisecracks (or “ass-cracks” bahahaha!)… I was sitting outside on my front porch a few weeks ago and I saw this:

Okay for those of you squinting really hard at my crappy cell-phone picture, it’s a lady walking two donkeys on the sidewalk in my  neighborhood…  I am not making this up and I was not drinking (at the time).  I sat stunned for a while before jumping into action to snap a picture after she had already passed my house and was on to my neighbor’s.  And then?  I was just stupid-silly and so wanted to shout stuff at her like “nice ass(es)!”  Bahaha.

To round out that same day, I also saw Santa and Mrs. Clause (in casual clothes) buying light bulbs at Lowes… I followed them out to the parking lot to catch a glimpse at their sleigh, but they’re apparently driving an older model Lexus with Florida plates these days.  Santa’s a smart dude… and sadly, I had left my cell phone in my car, so missed a great photo-op.

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